Répéter, S'il Vous Plaît: In Favor of Redundancy

By Joyce Sylvester, PM Teacher

Has your child ever given you some art, and you thought, “Isn’t this exactly like the art you gave me yesterday?” Do they ask to hear a story again as soon as you have finished reading it? Have they only wanted to watch one movie every weekend for the last 6 months. Don’t fret! Not only is this normal, it a crucial part of child development. Repetition is valuable because each time they experience something the knowledge becomes more secure, which allows them to feel more self-confident.

As adults, it seems only natural to seek novel stimuli and new experiences. It is difficult to remember back to a time when most experiences were novel. As children, with so little lived experience to draw from, each day is already full of new experiences. Maybe the ride to school was a little different because you saw a garbage truck on the way or you took a different route and made a stop at someplace you had never been and there was some kind of dog that you had never seen. These things that may seem mundane to those with many years of experience navigating the world are so novel that there is comfort in routines and things that are predictable, like the story that must be reread as soon as the first reading is concluded.

There is so much learning that is happening through repetition, because repetition is practice. Just as you would hope that an older child would be dedicated to practicing piano or gymnastics, your young child’s millionth rainbow painting should be appreciated for the work and dedication that they are giving to that particular subject. They practiced on a new piece of paper with a body that grew ever so slightly since yesterday. They tried something familiar, but still needed to be recalled. What color comes after yellow? Will this turn out the same as the last time? Can I do it again? This practice builds the experience that they don’t yet have. Perhaps they are learning that one type of paper is better for painting on, or that the colors are more vibrant with some paints. Repetition for children can be something like controlling an experiment. When the subject matter is the same, but we approach it with new or different materials, we gain the experience that the difference offers. We learn about the world around us and varying materials we have at our disposal. Here is a small list of things that can only be mastered through repetition.

  • Vocabulary building

  • Reading

  • Language recognition

  • Making marks and starting to write

  • Coordination and fine motor skills

You would never want to see a play where the lead was reading the play for the first time. Nor would you expect to see a singer who had never heard the piece of music they were about to perform. When it comes to children and repetition, trust the process. When you read a book for the umpteenth time, remember that your child is practicing listening. They are practicing committing things to memory. They are practicing noticing and asking and understanding. Practice is it’s own reward. Children thrive in the land of repetition.

The "I did it" Feeling

By Ellie White, TK Teacher

Now for a deeper dive into supporting children! We all want children to feel confident. We hope they will move through the world with the sense that they can achieve most things they set their minds to, and that when they can’t, they will be able to take that in stride and move on to the next thing. The question is, how can we support them in feeling this way? It can be particularly challenging at the TK age, when children are becoming increasingly self-aware and aware of their current limitations. What should we say when they look to us for feedback? It is so tempting to shower children with praise when we see their accomplishments. Even seasoned teachers who have spent years practicing alternatives to praise find ourselves blurting out, “Great job!” every now and again. The trouble is that consistent external praise teaches children to look outside themselves for validation, rather than learning to find that feeling intrinsically. When we shift our attention to a child’s effort rather than their results, we are building up their sense of self in a deeper and longer-lasting way.

Similarly, we can encourage children to recognize the internal boost of confidence that comes from their own hard work and determination. Our goal is to help them build a foundation of confidence that comes from inside, and that they can take with them no matter what comes their way. In the TK, we’ve been talking a lot about how amazing it feels when all your practice and perseverance finally pay off, and you are able to do something you weren’t able to do before. Each time a child is able to open a tricky snack container, pack their lunch into their backpack, or pump on the swings, I’ve been saying something along the lines of, “You did it! You’ve been working and working on that, you didn’t give up trying, and now you can do it!” In framing it this way, I’m trying to create a narrative for them that celebrates the accomplishment by mirroring their work back to them. This is usually all it takes to make their faces light up with pride. Then, because I want to guide them to find that feeling inside themselves, independent of anyone else’s reaction, I add something like, “I love that ‘I did it!’ feeling! Isn’t that a good one? Especially when it’s something I had to practice and not give up. That is one of my favorite feelings in life!” I’m hoping they might be inspired to adopt a similar attitude toward their own perseverance, as well as their accomplishments. Just this week Evan came running in to share, “Ellie, I got that ‘I did it! feeling! I kept trying and I opened Amelia’s snack for her!”

I recently came across this Instagram post from Lizzie Assa. Lizzie has a Masters in Education, is a mother to multiple children of her own, and works as a Parenting Strategist and Independent Play Consultant. I regularly find ideas and inspiration from her. In this case, I wanted to share her simple scripts for specific language you can use to support your own children’s developing confidence at home. They are very much in line with the way we talk to children about efforts and challenges at Parker. In case you want to check her out, Lizzie’s Instagram account is @theworkspaceforchildren, and her website Workspaceforchildren.com.

Checking in with Whole Body Listening

By Nathan Weber, PM Teacher

Communication and expression can be tricky for young children. When children need support expressing their ideas or emotions in play, teachers might suggest words to help them. If friends are having trouble sharing, we can offer words like, “Can I have it when you’re done,” or “I’m still using this, I will give it to you when I’m done.” Sometimes taking a pause from an argument that has become a yelling match can be a way for children to rethink what they are saying. So rather than saying, “No” over and over, the friend can be more specific, “I don’t like when you do X, or “I’m not playing that game anymore.” At other times, teachers try and get friends to “check in” after a conflict to repair the relationship. But sometimes friends are not hearing messages.

For example, during a conflict sometimes a friend is not hearing the message. This can lead to frustration or anger from the child being ignored. When messages are not being received, we remind friends to stop, look and listen with their whole body. We might call it “checking in” to put the emphasis on caring about others, particularly if someone is hurt physically or emotionally. Helping to get a special lovey or an ice pack can show that you care. Checking in is a great practice to help children develop empathy, language around reconciliation, and to take responsibilities for their actions. Listening requires your ears, your brain, and your heart. We often see play resume quickly after the relationship is repaired this way, especially when adults acknowledge the kindness shown by checking in with friends. Below is a visual cue we use to remind children about whole body listening.

Whole body listening and checking in helps children learn how to give messages to others, as well as receive messages from friends and teachers. Communication is important for successful play for children. While verbal communication is used most frequently, non-verbal communication can also benefit children who are working on their speech and language. They can use non-verbal messages to express themselves such as a thumbs up or down, a growl, or covering their ears. These are all messages that can be understood and used to communicate when words are tricky. For young children, whole body listening may also include understanding non-verbal cues and expressions when their friends are not able to communicate verbally.

Introducing Roots!

By Ellie White, TK Teacher

We are so happy to kick off this year’s edition of our long-standing family share project, Roots. The Roots project has been a part of Parker’s TK for as long as I can remember…and that’s a long time! For those who aren’t familiar with it, or who could use a refresher, here’s how we describe the project.

“At Parker, one of the ways we foster appreciation for diversity, equity, and inclusion is by learning about a variety of cultures in our own community. In the TK program, each family is invited to create a “Roots” poster board, and to come into our classroom to share their family stories and traditions with the children.

We celebrate the fact that every family’s story is unique. When it’s your turn, please focus on including what is important to your family. We invite you to take this project in the direction that fits you and your child. This may involve sharing about the people who are important to you, where the members of the family are from, family traditions, trips or activities, special family memories, or anything else you and your child would like the class to know about your family. You can add printed photos, and/or invite your child to draw pictures. Your target audience is a group of 5 year olds, so don’t be afraid to include a bit of humor if that feels right.

In addition, we invite you to bring items that represent family culture, or favorite belongings that have family significance. We ask that you refrain from bringing any kind of souvenir for the children as we have found that it distracts from the purpose and value of this project. This project is very open-ended, and we look forward to seeing the directions you and your children take it. If you have questions or want more guidance please just let us know.

Sharing about families and traditions is a very special time for each child. We hope that as the children listen to each other’s stories, they will gain a deeper understanding of their friends’ backgrounds. This project encourages children to make connections as they continue to learn about cultures and family traditions that are similar to and different from their own.”

Speaking of the project’s longevity, this year’s first presentation was from John Henry’s family and his sister Lillian had her turn exactly 10 years ago! Thank you, Dearie family.

A fun bonus part of the experience is that after each child does their share, they get to take our class mascot, Stinky the skunk, home for the weekend. Stinky joins the child for whatever is going on that weekend before returning to school the following week. We’ll keep a journal with photos and notes about what Stinky gets up to, and looking through the journal becomes yet another way for the children to get a peek at each other’s lives outside of school.

Love and Limits

By April Gaston, Interim Director

I came across an article titled, The Rise of the Accidentally Permissive Parent, the other week and it really had me reflecting on the “gentle parenting” movement. Depending on your interpretation of what gentle parenting means you may or may not see the connections to our approach here at Parker. Personally, while I believe in and utilize many of the tenets involved in what people often refer to as gentle parenting, I’ve never loved the use of the word “gentle” in this context. Maybe it’s the word itself or maybe it’s something else, but I’ve also noticed that the gentle parenting approach is interpreted so differently by different people. Which makes sense! But when these kinds of buzzwords are swarming all around us, especially in relation to something as important as raising young children, miscommunication feels like a hazardous by-product.

So for what it’s worth, I figured I’d share a couple of my thoughts on the topic. This aligns with the Parker way of thinking as well and hopefully helps you understand how we make sense of some of these things and how we implement them in order to best support young children’s developing emotional toolkit and healthy sense of self.

If we feel the need to slap a label on this way of treating young children with respect and with the goal of supporting their emotional well being, I prefer something more along the lines of “responsive parenting.” Even more, I like phrases such as “love and limits” or “validation plus boundaries,” the idea that all feelings are okay but all behaviors are not. This does not equal permissive parenting as the article title references. 

What we’re really talking about here is honoring children as complete humans that are worthy of respectful communication while also acknowledging that their brains and nervous systems are not fully developed. In a sense, they need to borrow our more developed brains and nervous systems to help them regulate. This is called co-regulation and this is the path towards eventual self-regulation. 

We want children to know that our love is unconditional, that no feeling is so big and scary that we will turn away from them. They are safe. That safety is what the nervous system needs to calm down. We want them to learn what to do when they feel sad or angry not that they can’t feel sad or angry. 

So we try to do two things: provide love/validation and limits/boundaries:

Love and validation: “It’s okay to be angry. It makes sense to feel that way.”

AND

Limits and boundaries: “It’s not okay to throw blocks. I won’t let you do that.”

When you tip the scales too much and too often towards one side or the other, we get into the territory of permissive or authoritarian. When we remember to do both in a way that reflects each individual child’s unique temperament and needs, that’s where the magic happens. Connection increases. Cooperation increases.

So in invite you to explore where you land with these ideas. Maybe it means something different to you. How does it align with our family values? What feels different and new? What feels right? What doesn’t feel quite right? What works for our kid? What doesn’t?

A Sense of Self

By Michelle Fleck, AM Head Teacher

One of the values we hold dear to our hearts at Parker School is honoring children’s uniqueness and fostering their sense of confidence. I know as teachers, we already see so much growth in each child from their time they started preschool with us to where they are at now.

I wanted to share some ideas for continuing to foster a strong sense of self, of self-acceptance, and confidence, in preschool-aged children.

  1. Help children feel like a valued and important member of the family / of the classroom community
    Invite them to help with jobs. Our class loves using a soap and water spray bottle and wiping down the tables at the moment! Ask them for their opinion (when it’s a non-negotiable of course)- “Are there any meals you want to have this week for dinner?” “What playground should we visit today?” etc.

  2. Highlight their efforts over giving compliments
    Children are hard-wired to please adults, and they are innately clued in to what we like and don’t like. When adults place focus on static traits like “you’re so smart/fast/strong,” it can actually hinder self-esteem. If they encounter a scenario down the line that feels tricky they might think, “Why am I struggling with this? I am supposed to be smart!” Instead, you could try out some phrases that point out their efforts, their focus, or their resilience, such as “You spent so much time on that!” “You must feel really proud!” “I noticed you tried something new” or “That was tricky but you really stuck with it!”

  3. Empower them with words for self-advocacy
    We focus on modeling language that children can use with each other in times of social conflict, while of course letting them know that teachers and grown-ups are always here to help them. When we observe moments of uncomfortable body language, upset, or see a disagreement happening, we come closer to help them work through it. We can offer some phrases that children can say to each other, instead of solving the problem for them. If they seem stuck, we might say, “You can say…” followed by phrases like “I don’t like that,” “Please stop,” “I’m using this right now,” “I want to be by myself,” or “Not right now but maybe later.” These phrases give children a script for navigating social situations which really helps build confidence.

    Here are a couple more sweet ideas to continue helping children think about themselves in positive ways.