By Ellie White, TK Teacher
Now for a deeper dive into supporting children! We all want children to feel confident. We hope they will move through the world with the sense that they can achieve most things they set their minds to, and that when they can’t, they will be able to take that in stride and move on to the next thing. The question is, how can we support them in feeling this way? It can be particularly challenging at the TK age, when children are becoming increasingly self-aware and aware of their current limitations. What should we say when they look to us for feedback? It is so tempting to shower children with praise when we see their accomplishments. Even seasoned teachers who have spent years practicing alternatives to praise find ourselves blurting out, “Great job!” every now and again. The trouble is that consistent external praise teaches children to look outside themselves for validation, rather than learning to find that feeling intrinsically. When we shift our attention to a child’s effort rather than their results, we are building up their sense of self in a deeper and longer-lasting way.
Similarly, we can encourage children to recognize the internal boost of confidence that comes from their own hard work and determination. Our goal is to help them build a foundation of confidence that comes from inside, and that they can take with them no matter what comes their way. In the TK, we’ve been talking a lot about how amazing it feels when all your practice and perseverance finally pay off, and you are able to do something you weren’t able to do before. Each time a child is able to open a tricky snack container, pack their lunch into their backpack, or pump on the swings, I’ve been saying something along the lines of, “You did it! You’ve been working and working on that, you didn’t give up trying, and now you can do it!” In framing it this way, I’m trying to create a narrative for them that celebrates the accomplishment by mirroring their work back to them. This is usually all it takes to make their faces light up with pride. Then, because I want to guide them to find that feeling inside themselves, independent of anyone else’s reaction, I add something like, “I love that ‘I did it!’ feeling! Isn’t that a good one? Especially when it’s something I had to practice and not give up. That is one of my favorite feelings in life!” I’m hoping they might be inspired to adopt a similar attitude toward their own perseverance, as well as their accomplishments. Just this week Evan came running in to share, “Ellie, I got that ‘I did it! feeling! I kept trying and I opened Amelia’s snack for her!”
I recently came across this Instagram post from Lizzie Assa. Lizzie has a Masters in Education, is a mother to multiple children of her own, and works as a Parenting Strategist and Independent Play Consultant. I regularly find ideas and inspiration from her. In this case, I wanted to share her simple scripts for specific language you can use to support your own children’s developing confidence at home. They are very much in line with the way we talk to children about efforts and challenges at Parker. In case you want to check her out, Lizzie’s Instagram account is @theworkspaceforchildren, and her website Workspaceforchildren.com.
