A Sense of Self

By Michelle Fleck, AM Head Teacher

One of the values we hold dear to our hearts at Parker School is honoring children’s uniqueness and fostering their sense of confidence. I know as teachers, we already see so much growth in each child from their time they started preschool with us to where they are at now.

I wanted to share some ideas for continuing to foster a strong sense of self, of self-acceptance, and confidence, in preschool-aged children.

  1. Help children feel like a valued and important member of the family / of the classroom community
    Invite them to help with jobs. Our class loves using a soap and water spray bottle and wiping down the tables at the moment! Ask them for their opinion (when it’s a non-negotiable of course)- “Are there any meals you want to have this week for dinner?” “What playground should we visit today?” etc.

  2. Highlight their efforts over giving compliments
    Children are hard-wired to please adults, and they are innately clued in to what we like and don’t like. When adults place focus on static traits like “you’re so smart/fast/strong,” it can actually hinder self-esteem. If they encounter a scenario down the line that feels tricky they might think, “Why am I struggling with this? I am supposed to be smart!” Instead, you could try out some phrases that point out their efforts, their focus, or their resilience, such as “You spent so much time on that!” “You must feel really proud!” “I noticed you tried something new” or “That was tricky but you really stuck with it!”

  3. Empower them with words for self-advocacy
    We focus on modeling language that children can use with each other in times of social conflict, while of course letting them know that teachers and grown-ups are always here to help them. When we observe moments of uncomfortable body language, upset, or see a disagreement happening, we come closer to help them work through it. We can offer some phrases that children can say to each other, instead of solving the problem for them. If they seem stuck, we might say, “You can say…” followed by phrases like “I don’t like that,” “Please stop,” “I’m using this right now,” “I want to be by myself,” or “Not right now but maybe later.” These phrases give children a script for navigating social situations which really helps build confidence.

    Here are a couple more sweet ideas to continue helping children think about themselves in positive ways.